“Only Connect! That was her whole sermon … live in fragments no longer.” E.M. Forster
When I “said yes” to this road trip I had a tentative itinerary. I was going to drive west to Utah last Tuesday. As of today, I’m no further West. In fact, I’m still driving south away from Utah deeper into New Mexico.
While on a hike through the mountains, I got caught up in a snowstorm - but what a beautiful storm to get caught in! At 10,500 feet on the South Zapata Lake Trail - Sangre De Christos Wilderness (Rio Grande National Forest)
Truly profound experiences only seem to arise for me if I let go of my expectations and timeline. It’s a theme that keeps re-emerging in me on this journey (whether it’s how I hike, what I photograph, how I write these reflections, or how I connect with strangers). If I want to create the space for something deeper to emerge, I have to let go, be present, and let who I am with (people, words, and images alike) reveal themselves in their own ways.
As I plan my days, I’m trying to live this out by: (1) not planning where I’ll go more than a day in advance, (2) staying everywhere I go at least two days, and (3) saying yes when someone I know is near and asks to meet.
Since my last post, I’ve gone on several major detours, all because opportunities have emerged to live out these values.
The golden hour (on my iPhone) - Devisadero Peak Trail, Taos, New Mexico
My first detour happened when a friend (Colette) contacted me and asked if I was ever planning to make it to Taos, New Mexico. I was in the Dunes when I got the message, planning to drive west to Durango. I was two hours to her then. “If not now, when?” I wondered. I decided Moab and Mesa Verde could wait. So, I changed my plans and drove south.
Though to say Colette was a friend wouldn’t be quite right. I’d never spoken to her in person or on the telephone. We’d never sent emails or had long text exchanges. Four years ago, we started following each other on Instagram. Historically, neither one of us posted images of our faces.
Well, you might be asking, what exactly did we know of each other? I didn’t know what she looked like or many of the specifics of her life (beyond that she was a poet in her 40s or 50s who lived in New Mexico). Through her images I had a window into how she saw the world. Through her captions I had clues to the syntax of her mind. And over the years, we’d affirmed each other posts. Together, that seemed enough to say yes.
You may think I am crazy to have booked a two-day trip to Taos simply to have lunch with a person I follow on Instagram. But though we are from different worlds and generations, the blind lunch turned into a full afternoon of deep connection. At one point, we were 30 minutes from town, driving through the mesa, after having visited the Taos Earth Ships. Conversation shifted from what was before us to the ways we knew we had contributed to the broken relationships in our lives. I’d just met this person, but it felt entirely natural and right. I almost started to laugh with joy – how absurd (and beautiful!) to be driving in stranger’s car through the desert, sharing some of our most intimate regrets. And too – how life affirming!
Rio Grande River gorge outside Taos, New Mexico
If this is possible with someone I just met, what else is possible? Moments after leaving her, I found out a college friend (Matt E.) was just passing through Santa Fe, two hours south (he was also on an extended road trip). I previously had no desire to go to Santa Fe. But again, I knew, I had to say yes. So, the next day I drove to him.
On the way from Taos to Santa Fe, I stopped at Ojo Celiente to visit the hot springs. I never made it to the springs. I got consumed for over 3 hours picking up pieces of quartz (some translucent, some rose tinted, some yellow tinted, some merged with granite, some merged with what looked like pyrite). The stones were strewn in strange places all around the hill side. I’ve never seen such beautiful rocks out in the wild.
In college we knew each other well, but since we had only spoken a few times. Our 6 hours in Santa Fe took us to more deep and life-giving places than we’d ever been before. Between sharing the stories of our journeys we settled into a long exploration of our respective Shradda (the deep underlying beliefs we hold, but rarely examine, yet from which everything else emanates). And from there, (1) what we are hoping to get out of being on the road, (2) what are we saying “yes to” by going on our journeys, and (3) what we might be running away from; but that we’ve been too scared to admit, even to ourselves.
When he left for Marfa, Texas, we both understood each other’s brokenness, strength, and dreams in new ways. I feel so much love and compassion for him (and from him). Like Colette, our paths will not likely pass again for some time; no matter; our path needed to cross in this moment; and because they did we will both journey on in new, more connected ways.
I’m realizing that to “only connect” is what this time is offering me. An opportunity to connect the thoughts in my head with my heart. An opportunity to connect my heart with my actions. An opportunity to connect who I am in some places, with who I am everywhere. An opportunity to choose connection with others over re-affirming what I already know.
To “only connect” also requires a lot of letting go -- letting go of my desire to get affirmation from others when I come to them (emotionally, mentally, and romantically); letting go of my fears that I will be rejected if I share my true self; letting go my expectations for how my time in another’s presence will unfold.
How not to connect - yet how I think I’ve often tried to connect without realizing it! From a gallery in Taos, NM
If I want to “only connect”, there is much I also need to bring. I need to show up. I need listen, generously. I need to embody compassion, not judgment. I need to be willing to be seen; not just to see. I need to fully present (in mind, attention, and body language).
Matt shared this image of me. We both teared up looking at it. "Love" - Inner Child Trapped in Us, by Alexandr Milov. (Image: Vitaliy Deynega). No copyright infringement is intended.
And when new unexpected opportunities to connect emerge, I need to be willing to clear my schedule, change my plans, and say yes — to all of it.