In a time long, long ago, before “social distancing” was a thing, and when hugs were still how the woke said hello, I headed back on the road. I was excited. After months of debating “what’s next,” I had a plan: the time for endless thinking inside was over.
According to the Gregorian calendar that was March 4th, 2020, roughly 3 weeks ago, though it sure feels like a decade ago now, right?
As I headed out on the road I wondered what this chapter of my journey would be like. What would I see that I didn’t expect? What new things would I discover inside myself? What common themes would emerge?
Quickly, one answer seemed to be forming: (re)connection. Everywhere I went (with little or no advanced planning) I saw friends who I’d only met in the last 12 months.
Caption: yoga teacher training friends
During just 9 days I hiked, skied, ate, and stayed with 9 different friends and families.
Caption: my friends Faria, Ziad and Amani who I met in December
Each interaction was unique, profound, deep, vulnerable, and lasted hours. None of them overlapped. So, I barely had a minute to myself except when I was driving. I didn’t care. These various and very different people – spanning ages 2 to 72 – absolutely filled me up. Though our conversations often treaded into weighty topics, in the end, every one of them lifted me up and made me feel abundant in spirit.
Caption: My cousin Jason and his daughter Coraleigh
One particularly sweet moment occurred after spending two days with my friend CJ (who attended my yoga teacher trainings) and her family. As I was standing in their family’s driveway getting ready to leave her youngest son (about six) turned to me and asked: “When are you coming back?”
I told him, “I don’t know, but I hope soon.”
“How about tomorrow?” He suggested excitedly.
“No not tomorrow…” I laughed awkwardly, not sure how to reply. I was tongue-tied and deeply touched.
Caption: CJ and her sons
As I drove the 3+ hours out of the mountains to my next stop I felt aglow. There’s nothing quite like someone telling you how they want you around, even if that someone is a child you just met.
Hours later I looked at my phone. I’d received three texts, all from CJ.
Did she have more messages about how much her children missed me? I wondered excitedly.
Not exactly.
Here is the first text, a simple image:
Wait? What? I don’t get it… I thought. Was she trying to send me a picture of her dog?
A second text: “You might need this.” I looked at the image again - oh **** my suitcase! It can’t be…
The third text – a crazed faced emoji.
And so, the next afternoon, after spending all morning and the prior night until 3am talking with my cousin and his wife, I turned around and drove the 3 hours back to pick up my suitcase.
Sadly, I didn’t get stay long. Something told me I needed to get back to Minnesota with everything happening around Corona. Surely this mass hysteria would blow over quickly. It wouldn’t be long until I could get back on the road and back to my carefully thought out plans.
Upon returning home, out of an abundance of caution, one morning I decided to go to the grocery store and get some frozen food – just in case. As I was checking out I received another text from CJ. Fingers crossed it’d be message affirming how much her family all missed me? I thought.
And … no.
“I am coughing.”
Then: “Dr thinks it’s the virus… quarantine.”
I felt a sinking feeling in my gut. Should I leave the food and walk away? What’s the protocol for this? I’d already put my items on the conveyer belt. I looked at the cashier. I saw he was wearing gloves. Am I supposed to tell him about the text I received? I still felt fine… Not knowing what to do, I tried to stand as far away as possible and not speak in his direction. “You should change your gloves…”
Once my food was bagged I drove straight home.
After kicking my brother out of our apartment (for his protection…)
Caption: my bother waving me goodbye from 6+ feet away
I lay in bed and waited…
What was happening inside me? I still felt fine, but… was I about to get sick any minute? I was alone. What then? Had I infected others without realizing it? What was happening in the world? I tried to channel my inner positivity and yoga practices. Mind over matter. Don’t catastrophize this.
More texts from CJ. Her fever was spiking.
I dialed up everyone I’d seen in Colorado since I’d been with CJ: “I feel fine, but I just wanted to let you know…”
Once done, I crawled back into bed and drew the curtains even though it was the middle of the afternoon.
Stay calm… I reassured myself as I took my temperature for the 4th time in 2 hours.
To be continued… later this weekend.
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